NICE GUY FINISHES LAST IN LATEST VOTE
Seattle, WA- Confirming recent poll predictions and special interest studies, local nice guy Phil Hartman finished in last place in the running for cheerleader Jane Skiesmore's affections. Hartman, a self-described "genuine fellow" and all around good guy, was defeated by a significant margin in the running by opponent Trey Gillford, an outspoken critic of "bitches and hoes and haters". Results obtained by Alpha Male News show Gillford reporting a 98% total in Ms. Skiesmore's affections, while Mr. Hartman finished with a lowly 1%, the race being split by third party candidate, Fifi, Ms. Skiesmore's new puppy.
When asked about the results, Ms. Skiesmore had this to say: "I dunno, like, Trey is just such a hottie, you know? He really played well in the last game, and his truck is so loud. Phil is really, really sweet, and we'll always be friends. I just think Trey has a bigger wiener."
This latest election follows the national trend of Nice Guy candidates being voted out of relationships, with the up and coming Asshole movement making huge gains in the bedroom. Exit poll data indicates female dissatisfaction with being treated decently and being respected for who they are, with most female voters hoping for a return to "the good old days" where they were treated like shit and often regarded as physical objects.
When asked about his party's big win Mr Gillford remarked that he was "Like a G-6".
When asked about his party's big loss Mr Hartman had this to say: "Well, the ladies have spoken and we've got to learn from our mistakes. From now on, our party will concentrate our efforts on disrespecting women, thinking of platonic relationships as avenues to be exploited for sex, and to generally stop being such pussies."
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