TURKEY/PILGRIM RELATED HUMOR SEES BIGGEST GAINS IN A YEAR
New Haven, CT- Polls in recent days have shown a spike in pilgrim and turkey related humor, the genre's largest gains in almost a year. Reports of jokes ending with the phrase "gobble gobble gobble" or referring to Plymouth Rock and the life of a pilgrim have increased tenfold over the past week and a half. Many of the half-hearted, mildly entertaining jests are shelved by the majority of the population throughout the calender year, but are employed in the weeks leading up to the Thanksgiving holiday because they are deemed timely and situationally appropriate by most Americans. Professor Kenneth Beltham of the University of Connecticut has studied pilgrim related humor for several years and finds America's continued romanticization of the early settlers of New England fascinating. "It really is remarkable," Professor Beltham told Alpha Male News, "that people can still find humor in these tired, old jokes. No one has made a serious contribution of new material to the field in over 20 years, since Timothy Jones' remark at a family dinner on Thanksgiving that 'that Squanto really knows his stuff,' which really wasn't all that funny in itself." Beltham continued saying that humor related to the horrible suffering of the pilgrims in their first year where most of their party starved or froze to death seems strange, especially because the pilgrims themselves, being strict Protestants, were not very funny people. According to one recent study, the most promising market for Thanksgiving day humor comes from the turkey sector, where young boys have been relating oral sex to the noise a turkey makes, a distinct "gobble gobble gobble," though many animal rights activist have argued against this sort of humor, claiming Thanksgiving day as a kind of turkey holocaust, souring the mood at their dinners and making everyone uncomfortable and bitter.
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