VOYAGER 1 REACHES OUTER LIMITS OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM, FINDS THAT SPACE SUCKS
(Contrary to NASA's hopes, the probe has not gotten to battle any aliens or meteors)
Houston, TX- NASA reported this week that the Voyager 1 probe, launched over 30 years ago, will be leaving the solar system within the next 4 years. The probe has sent back remarkable pictures of the planets and their moons and will soon be sending back data on the farthest reaches of space explored to date. Dan Fitzwilliams, press officer for NASA, summarized the significance of the Voyager 1 mission: "This probe, launched in 1977, has allowed us to find out more about our solar system than ever thought possible, and will soon be telling us about what lies beyond. On the whole, however, much of the information sent back by the Voyager 1 has indicated that space, in fact, sucks. It's cold, dark, empty, and terribly lonely. There are no sweet aliens to fight or learn from, there are no asteroids poised to crash land into Earth and infect the planet with deadly alien viruses, and there are no evil talking computers or portals to other dimensions. Quite frankly, space is boring." Dr. Fitzwilliams stressed the research teams at NASA are not hopeful that anything of interest will be found by the Voyager once it passes out of the sun's influence and into interstellar space. "Probably just more vast expanses of cold, black nothingness," according to Fitzwilliams. The findings of the Voyager probe corroborate evidence found by California researchers last month of an "alien" bacterium that could use arsenic in its metabolic processes rather than phosphorus, news which also point to the fact that space is a big boring piece of poop.
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*I LOVE BRAZILIAN WOMEN
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